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Proof That Killer Whales Are Pretty Much The A-Holes Of The Ocean March 15, 2010

Posted by A. Robinson in Life.
Tags: , ,

Lindsey, I realize this post might not be for you, seeing as you think animal cannibalism is “cute.”

I have continued to mull over killer whales this weekend.  Well, okay, not really, but John and I watched part of the BBC series Blue Planet and it sparked some questions for me.  Namely, are killer whales really all that friendly at all?  Or are they–as I now suspect–just big, raging meanies?

Here’s the video that sparked my curiosity:

At first I was all like, “Oh, that’s sad, but so goes the circle of life,” up until the narrator mentions that the whole pack of whales only eats a teensy weensy bit of the baby.  You know, after they spent 6 hours hunting it or whatever.  Of course, I went straight to YouTube to try and find out whether this was typical behavior.  Cue a slew of videos showing how they not only capture but torture their prey.  They play volleyball with baby seals!

Yeah, so they let one go at the end.  Big effing show of mercy once you’ve whacked it around for thirty minutes!  The thing is, these suckers are incredibly smart, turns out.  Just look at the way they coordinate in order to knock this seal off an ice flow and into a waiting pod-members mouth.

Not only that, but they’re totally adaptable.  I read an article this weekend that said the Sea World whales have figured out how to take fish to the bottom of the tank and send up little pieces to lure in sea birds.  Once the birds land on the water, it’s CHOMP CHOMP while buddy whale rushes up to snag him some poultry.  Also, check out these guys who’ve learned that hanging out by fishing boats gets them a quick and easy meal (also, you should watch this one because the fishermen are hilarious).

Conclusion?  These guys are smarter than I am, and no way in heck am I getting in the water with one.



1. Guillaume - March 15, 2010

It’s like a foodfight, only with slightly less processed food ;-).

(And I wouldn’t be TOO scared being in the open water with them – IIRC there is absolutely no record of an orca ever attacking a human in the wild. They’re apparently intelligent enough to make the difference between us and Tasty Morsels like whales and seals). Same with dolphins.

Of course, I’m the resident wolf-fan, so given that orcas are the closest thing to sea-going wolves, I may be a little biased :-p)

dorianagraye - March 15, 2010

Yes, but what if they’ve read my blog posts? I’m sure they’ve found some sort of sunken ship somewhere with a Panasonic ToughBook or whatever and been all like,

“Ooh, I’m going to go get a crab and search for myself on the internet…OH MY GOD, BORIS! LOOK AT WHAT THIS GIRL WROTE ABOUT US! She called us…a-holes. What is that, anyway? Probably some deconstructionist Freudian-reflective human bullcrap. Well, lemme just Google a picture of her….there she is. On Facebook. Well, *I’m* certainly not going to friend her. Let me just put her up on my Bipedals We Should Eat If They Should Swim In Our Territory group page and we’ll take care of her. Meanies my left fin.”

Guillaume - March 16, 2010

Orcas are smarter than that.

And by “that”, I mean “reading blog posts and facebook”. :-p

Lindsey - March 19, 2010

I agree. Orcas have this shit figured out. Telepathy or ESPN and suddenly all those whales that have brought themselves down enough to bother learning human languages will be after you, Suffle.

Ashley - March 20, 2010

I know, Lindsey, I know. I figure one day I’ll wake up to a dead sea lion in my bed a la Godfather.

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